Talk about "Shock and Awe"

Where are the WMDs? I know, they're right here at home. Here's a little taste of the arsenal my children employ daily in our house.

1. Biological warfare: Ain't no diaper like a two-year-old's diaper. As if the stink weren't enough, I have found stickers, Legos and LiteBrite pegs in my son's poo.

2. Roadside bombs: Trying to navigate through a darkened house in the middle of the night in search of a lost pacifier or blankie, and stepping on Hot Wheel or Barbie shrapnel. I could have sworn the hallway was tidy a few hours ago! Try not to scream too loudly, k, 'cuz we don't want to wake anyone up.

3. Laser-guided missiles: I was lying on my back with Baby on my legs, bouncing happily. He had a big burp and then, while smiling broadly, dribbled some vomit into my mouth. I was smiling back up at him and talking when the putrid mess was unloaded. That was I think the grossest thing I ever have experienced. The crazy thing is that he was at least 2 1/2 feet above my face. That's great aim.

4. Bogies at my 8 o'clock: Floaties in the tub, oh yeah. Who gets to clean them up? My kids are happy they get to stay up an extra half-hour while I Lysol the tub from top to bottom.

5. Plausible deniability: If Husband doesn't react to my plaintive cry for help, did I actually make a sound? I know, the question is purely rhetorical.

One thing's for sure, my family's strategy is quite obviously to "stay the course".