Playing CSI

I always know who to blame for the messes I find around the house. Some examples, just off the top of my head...

-Fingerprints on the coffee table. Closer examination revealed Dorito particles embedded in the Nutella ridge detail. Conclusion: Tweenie!

-A hair print in Husband's car. Yes, you read that right. The oily residue was identified as Vaseline. Something triggered my memory there...

-Little dots of (pardon me) barf on the carpet. Due to the even spacing roughly 1 meter apart, I must conclude that Baby spit up while I was burping him and pacing. This was at some inconceivable hour of the night, so I must not have noticed the stinky matter dribbling off the back of my shoulder.

-Unidentifiable biological tissues. Twit's been hunting again and apparantly raw vole doesn't sit well on the stomach. Who knew?

-Items stolen from refrigerator of a junk-food nature. It seems that labelling such articles with "Do not eat - for Tweenie's school party" is not an effective deterrent. I'd like to blame Rascal, but I'm sure Husband was in there like a dirty shirt aiding and abetting.

This all plus stinky diapers and snotty noses; what's a mama to do? Why do YOU think they invented coffee and donuts?