So we're back from vacation in one piece. A stupid idea after all? Let's see...
After an all-nighter drive to Orlando, we caught a few winks at the hotel, scarfed down some breakfast and went in search of cheapo Disney tickets. Which eventually led us to a certain overcaffeinated chap behind a gaudy brochure-stuffed desk declaring "Ask me how you can save $100!!"
Somehow we ended up listening to a timeshare sales pitch for 3 hours over a free but questionable meal. Hey, you gotta try it once, right? Wouldn't $100 off day passes to the Magic Kingdom be worth it to you?
Indeed, this was a very stupid idea. I have no idea how others vacation using cheap timeshare offers every year, and it was not worth the $100 saved on tickets.
After we picked up our freebies, Tweenie and I headed over to DisneyWorld (and the boys to the JVC outlet stores conveniently located next door to our hotel). I must admit, I enjoyed myself way too much. Around 9 pm Tweenie started asking when we'd return to the hotel.
"But the parade starts soon, and then there'll be fireworks," I whined.
"Ma, I'm all Disneyed out here."
"Hey, I didn't sit through 3 hours of BS for nothing. We're staying!"
"Fine, since it means so much to you."
When we left around 10:30, I freely conceded that this was a great idea.
A day of driving later, we arrived in the Keys for the second half of our mini-vacation. We stayed in a simple but sweet mom-'n-pop-style motel with a room overlooking the Bay. I chatted up the owner to get the scoop on the local wildlife (you may recall I was nervous about the indigenous creatures).
"Sharks? Oh sure, we gotta lot of 'em right out there in the Bay. Mostly littl'uns though, mebbe up ta 10, 12-footers. A feller caught an itty bitty baby one off that dock there, 'bout 2 foot just this mornin'. We seen bull sharks, hammerheads... no Great Whites that I know of though.". My expression hastened him to add a reassuring remark. "I never got bit, and anyhow there aren't hardly any compared to the barracudas. Now that there's a funny story I oughtta--"
"No, no no no, thanks anyway." I'd heard enough. "At least we're away from the mainland and the crocs, right? Ha ha ha!"
"Well, they can come around ma'am, so watch your kids near the bush."
Great; what a fab idea.
The next day we rented a boat and explored around a bit. We had no luck finding a little private piece of beachy shoreline, so we hooked up to a mooring buoy a little way from shore. There were other boats nearby, people swimming and jet-skiing. I figured it was probably ok to jump in for a few minutes.
Naturally, the safe thing was to send Husband in first. Tweenie jumped in after him, enthusiastically swimming and splashing. After 30 seconds, he made her come back onto the boat with him.
"Something wrong?"
"We don't know these waters."
"You nervous about the you-know-whats?"
"We don't know these waters."
"Soooooooo... you're scared."
"We don't know these waters!"
Bottom line: we're nearly soiling ourselves with paranoid terror.
I went in briefly with Rascal. "Watch for fins, honey!" I laughed in a false-sounding falsetto, clearly on the verge of panic. After that, we were all funned out and brought the boat back to the dock 45 minutes ahead of schedule. Apparantly going for a boatride in barracuda/shark/alligator/etc-infested seas with irritable children on a hot day when all you want to do is swim happens to be a very stupid idea indeed.
The trip wrapped up with two days of driving home. I now understand why my father threatened every year that it was the very last time he would take us anywhere. Driving during the day means a bazillion bathroom and food breaks. Food stops mean taking hyper children into public places and expecting them to behave after sitting in one position for the last 6 hours (not including bathroom breaks of course). Driving during the day (i.e. when kids are awake) is the stupidest idea of them all.
Somehow we survived. In two weeks, we leave for the next adventure that we planned back in January. We are going on vacation with BFF and family. This'll be ... interesting.
