Yeah, I'm intolerant. So sue me!

There are certain things I can't stand. One day, when I've been installed as supreme planetary dictator, I intend to do something about it.

1. Customer service department idiots who gab with their coworkers while they are supposed to be processing my return (and the other 500 people in line) so that I can oblige all the angry starers and remove my shouting children from the store.

2. Telemarketing (the job, not the person - I can differentiate). While this requires no extra clarification, I feel that a little story will demonstrate my antipathy. One such person called on a Saturday at 8:15. I answered very groggily. "Have you had your morning coffee yet, dear?" - her opening line. Yeah, that's gonna win you points. Maybe you're just trying to make ends meet because you're going through a messy divorce and desperately need the cash. Guess what? Not my problem.

3. Uber-friendly waiters servers. Be professional and helpful, not falsely flirtatious. I don't care about what you did last weekend, nor do I want to hear your hilarious dog story. Oh, and don't forget to wear the appropriate number of pieces of flair.

4. Croc wearers. Nurses and garden center workers are exempt from my revulsion, but everyone else - please, say no! Particularly to those who wear socks with crocs, I don't care how trendy they are. They are upsetting my delicate balance and hurting my eyes.

And on a more serious note...

5. Drunk drivers. They oughta throw the book at you people. You could kill someone in your condition. Don't make the rest of the world pay for your fun night out.

6. Celebrities and other high-profile people convicted of crimes but receive special treatment from the judicial system. I heard today on the radio that a certain heiress was released from prison after serving 5 days of 23-45 days due to "health concerns". I guess jail must not be "hot". Given the fact that she was in there because of previous DUI convictions, I refer you to point #5. I wonder if they wear crocs in jail?

7. Child molesters and people who kill their own children. That's right, you are insane. Go get your therapy in the joint. Don't get me started on elective abortion.

Whew, maybe that's getting a little too heavy.

I looked in an atlas and noticed that St. John's, Newfoundland (Canada) is the easternmost tip of North America. Line up, y'all; here's the coast. Start swimming.