I hate it when she's right!

Tantie the childless. Tantie the insightful. Tantie the smartass.

I called her a few days ago because I was at the end of my rope. Rascal was getting on my last nerve and I needed to hear someone feel bad for me. Husband listens but does not respond - I guess he learned his lesson a while back...

Tantie has a special bond with Rascal because they are both the 'middle child'. She claims she understands him.

So although I did get some ego-soothing platitudes about my fantabulous parenting skills, she also had some words of wisdom. I didn't expect advise on this topic from her but it appears she has some insight.

So her solution was basically to use huge amounts of positive reinforcement and to absolutely not acknowledge bad behavior, other than a single stern "No!"

"Be a robot. Don't let him see that he's got your number. He thinks it's funny when you're mad."

I didn't believe this at first, but last time I was on the verge of losing it, I caught my reflection in the mirror. My face was beet red except for some white splotchies around my mouth that was wrenched into a scowl, my hair was wild and woolly, and I am pretty sure there was smoke wisping out of my ears.

Ok, ok, so I did look pretty funny. Rascal didn't laugh, probably because he learned along with Husband that a poker face gets you into a lot less trouble.

I tried this method for a few days and I think there was some limited success. Ever looking to gain an edge, Rascal found a way to crack my armor. I called Tantie in a panic.

"I'm a robot! I'M A ROBOT!" I shrieked. "But it's not working!"

Calmly she replied, "What did he do now?"

"He whipped off his diaper that was loaded with %&*@ and is rolling around on my bed, smearing it all over the sheets!"

My knuckles were white, my eyes squeezed shut as I clenched the phone to my head, waiting for the pearls of wisdom to come. I waited... and waited.

Finally a response: "Oh!"

What, that's all? I could hear laughy breaths on the line. She was trying her darndest to hold it in. Eventually she got herself back together and proceeded to do some damage control.

"I know what you're thinking," I accused. "Better you than me, right?"

A pause, and then "uh, listen, hate to do this to ya but Y&R is on..."

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Lest anyone should think that Tantie is anything other than a wonderful aunt and incredibly supportive sister, let me assure you that she has been an anchor, sounding board, and cheer squad for me. I only tell this story because it's freakin' hilarious... well, it is now anyway.