When in Rome, sit on your ass

Tweenie's school held the All American Fun Run last week to raise funds for their school. It's your basic Thon, and brought back memories for me of the events I participated in at that age.

Here's the thing - I remember these events as following a basic pattern:

(1) publicize your participation among family and friends,

(2) raise funds based on performance (i.e. 25¢ per lap around the gym, or $5 per 100 skips),

(3) a 1-2 hour commitment on the day of the Thon, featuring a cheering section filled with the kids who packed it in early,

(4) and crappy freebies based on your level of achievement

But this is how Tweenie's event went down:

(1) sent out a preprinted letter provided by the school asking for sponsors; it was a fill-in-the-blank form (I just love that personal touch, don't you?).

(2) "...and they said all we have to do is send out the letters. Raising the money is not our concern," Tweenie stressed. "So it doesn't matter if no one responds?" I wondered. "Raising the actual money is not our concern," Tweenie repeated slowly, as if I was dimwitted.

(3) a 10-minute walk inside the gymnasium. Apparently there were too many participants this year so running was deemed unsafe. Even though it's technically The All-American Fun Run, the moniker clearly holds little sway over the actual proceedings.

(4) Awards ceremony recognizes those over-achievers who managed to mail out the most letters. Tweenie made it to the second highest tier and is now the proud owner of a wind-up bird. This high-quality Made In Timbuktu toy is advertised to fly "up to 50 yards!", but I think we have air quality problems at our house because it only manages to stay aloft as long as it takes for gravity to yank it earthward. In retrospect, my super awesome idea to throw it out of an upstairs window might not have been the brightest. But I was so enthralled with the idea of !50 yards! that I got carried away. I guess I should have said that Tweenie was the proud owner of a wind-up bird.

Introducing: The All-American Sit-On-Your-Ass-a-Thon (sponsorships welcome)