Back to School

I am a regular reader of this fabulous blog. Maybe it's because she's a geek like me?

She recently used a Venn diagram to tell one of her hilarious stories, and I was so impressed that I knew one day I'd follow suit.

My life yesterday was a study in grammar and math.

Why grammar? Because everything that happened must be described using superlatives. For example:

Yesterday, the house was the messiest it has ever been. Part of the reason is that the boys discovered my tampon stash. I discovered this after they had finished off the better portion of my new extra value pack of OB.

They performed a wonderful science experiment. The central hypothesis is that different fluids are absorbed differently by the tampon. So for example, toilet water vs. cereal milk leftovers vs. sippy-cup juice. They discovered that the tampon will expand to an equal extent in all test liquids. Another (unanticipated) result is that Mama gets maddest when the used experimental objects are flung around the living room.

They spent the longest amount of time sequestered in their room, approximately the time required for Mama to have the largest midday rum and coke. Ok, truth be told I never drink during the day, so it really wasn't that much. But the fact that I needed one tells you something!

Over the last week or so, I have had the worst headache. This happened a few weeks ago, just before our trip up north. At that time, I went to the doctor suspecting a sinus infection. It turned out I had runaway blood pressure. The symptoms being similar this time, I assume it is the same problem.

Here is where the math and grammar collide.

When I have high blood pressure, I have terrible headaches, insomnia, and general bitchiness. This is all inversely correlated to the hours of sleep I have lately enjoyed. Which is to say, very few.

As this diagram illustrates, as my sleep hours approach zero, my BP goes to infinity.


Time to deal out some Ferber, methinks.