Inconceivable!

Lessons learned while hosting guests for 3 weeks in a row:

1. I can function on 4 or less hours of sleep. However, I cannot hold my liquor whatsoever in this sleep-deprived state.

2. My brother-in-law could care less if my legs are hairy. Hiding in my bathroom for 2 hours trying to wax various body parts while my little boys are emptying my makeup bag is an exercise in futility.

3. I am a much worse parent than I thought. My nephew does not act like Tarzan, and it is - apparently - possible to put babies on a schedule that is not interrupted by vacations. My sister-in-law is a freakin' genius.

4. I am a much better parent than I thought. My kids are not afraid of heights, dogs, Costco, or stairs because the Law of the Jungle employed by Husband and I (i.e. "I warned you 4 times not to touch that. You can stop crying now.").

5. That thing under my nose was not a zit. It was a cold sore.

6. Cold sores should not be fiddled with, as it may lead to a growth of ginormous proportions.

7. Cover-up makeup only goes so far, and then you have to walk around casually holding your hand against your nose. I find a contemplative facial expression helps with the illusion.

8. Getting out of a guest-filled house at 8:30 on a Saturday morning to take Tweenie to soccer is actually pretty awesome. Especially since we have to pass by Starbucks on the way to the field.

9. There is nothing wrong with letting Uncle or Auntie take a 3 a.m. shift. It makes no difference to Kye who fetches his bottle of warmed milk and rummages under the bed looking for Birdie.

10. I love my family and I think I need a vacation.

Relativity

Rascal: "Mamaaaaaaaa! Come play cars wif me."
Mama: "In a few minutes." (clickety click on Spider Solitaire)
Rascal: "Mamaaaaaaaaa! Coooooooome!"

and then last night...

Rascal: "Mama, you sleep wif me."
Mama: "I have to go tidy up the kitchen. I'll check on you soon."
Rascal: "You stay a feeeeewwwww minutes. And den da sunshine comes and you can go."

*oops* He's on to me.

Headless Chickens

It becomes increasingly clear to me what the phrase "running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off" actually means.

We have long-awaited guests in the house, and they'll be staying for 2 weeks. Immediately upon their departure, another couple will arrive and stay for a week.

Disclaimer: this is freakin' awesome! We are very excited to have family come down and we haven't seen the first set of guests in almost 3 years. It's all good.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch-- this means planning sleeping arrangements, trips to Costco, and a few odd presents for my nephew, in addition to dealing with the yearly scheduled Spring Cleaning and the unfortunately unscheduled leaking of our septic tank. It just so happens to be situated near our front walkway and the spillage sheets over the path every time a toilet is flushed. It's gross.

And of course, there are the daily chores and commitments that still need to be addressed.

The End Result: nothing gets accomplished, soccer practice and Girl Scout meetings are forgotten, personal hygiene falls by the wayside, and my on-again off-again adult acne goes into overdrive.

Yet by the time Husband delivered Brother, Sis-in-Law, and Nephew from the airport, I had a warm snack prepared, a house tidied to 95% cleanliness, and cover-up smeared in all the right places. This chicken pulled it all together at the last minute, but I'm tellin' ya I needed a glass of Chardonnay when all was said and done.

Update on the hyperlinked story above: it turns out my friends were not impressed by my boozing and reported me to the mom's group coordinator at church. Apparently this was an official church function and they did not appreciate my behavior. I was called in for a sit-down meeting and everything. Sheesh.